Week 2 of Yoga Teacher Training

Day 8:

Sunday, October 7

Lecture hour[s] Sunday!

I woke up a whole lot more sore than I was Saturday. Lifting on Friday had a delayed effect. I haven’t felt this tight since the first few times I practiced yoga! As a result Lindsey’s class was brutal. Absolute torture. I wanted to quit so many times; I was even thinking about why I was doing this, “this” being yoga. Yowza.

But persevere I did. Rhema’s topics of interest hit the spot afterwards, talking about limiting beliefs and becoming comfortable in uncomfortableness. Was it going to kill me? No. Did it? No. Am I capable? Yes. Is it just my ego balking at lack of comfort, lack of ease, resisting inertia? Yes.

So I will get up and do it tomorrow, too. And the next day. And the day after. And so on.

The two other students in teacher training aren’t my favorite people. Jessica — I think that’s her name — is whatever. She talks too much for me. Pablo is chill but a bit disinterested, or at least disengaged. Whatever.

The lecture hours are also a lot more discussion-based than I expected. I found myself getting frustrated at various points — it felt like it was just story time, like back in high school. But who cares? What’s the rush? Another limiting belief in action.

Right now I feel really good, not particularly stiff at all. And I’ve a hot bath to look forward to as well! đŸ™‚

Day 9:

Monday, October 8:

Had to drag my ass out of bed this morning. Woke up ~2 AM for the second consecutive night. Got up, went to bathroom, opened fridge, decided not to eat, wrote down my dreams, turned off lights, went back in bed. Struggled to sleep. Realized the window was making it too cold. Slept like a baby (which is a misnomer; babies sleep terribly) until I woke at 6:30, which is quite late for me (I like to be up by 5).

It was a dark, foggy morning. I woke up late so had to decide between breakfast or meditation. A third choice seemed more palatable: both, then going back to sleep, skipping out on the two-hour bus ride to Rancho to practice yoga.

Laying down in bed, peering under my door, seeing the light seeping in from the hallway, my indicator that I’ve overslept — it means my mother is up — I briefly thought of Henry Abbott, TrueHoop, about what professional athletes go through. I was sore and tired, loathing the idea of another absurdly strenuous workout. Ninety minutes with Janus? Zoe-mi-god.

Discipline is messy.

I was too lazy to bike to the Montclair Transit Center, which is about 6 miles away, choosing to bike to Route 68. Even though I looked in the bus book and saw I was likely going to have to wait 30-35 minutes, more than enough time to bike to catch the 66, the bus I need that leaves every 15 minutes from the Transit Center.

I think I was just too tired to think straight.

Fortunately I only missed about ten minutes of the class. Jazmine, not Janus, was teaching. Sweet! Just what I needed! Now the session is guaranteed to be a lot easier.

Except for the fact that Ashtanga is always brutal.

Jazmine was actually an adept teacher. She kept us in our holds for at least five breaths, which is something a lot of instructors skimp out on. That’s the real duress of the series. Any individual pose isn’t that bad, but every pose is absurdly challenging when extended for five deep, long breaths. And I am always the biggest breather in the class. No matter how tired, weak, or sore I feel, I just can’t give less than 100 percent.

Which means I always feel light as a feather afterwards! Yes, I’m glad I went. It wasn’t nearly as bad as my ego was making it out to be. It was much easier than Sunday’s, in fact; I was not nearly as sore as I expected.

Will I go on Tuesday? Bryan’s class is too easy for me. I LOL’d big time when Lindsey told me he was a stoner! Makes perfect sense! Why didn’t I see it?

I’m stressed, but it’s getting a bit better. Right now my mental capacities seem a little off. Slightly off. Not a big deal, but noticeable thanks to my newfound sensitivity. This will be an interesting week!

(You bet your ass I’m going to Ashtanga tomorrow!)

Day 10:

Tuesday, October 9

A much-needed break.

Day 11:

Wednesday, October 10

OFF

Day 12:

Thursday, October 11

Bryan sucks, dude. Seriously.

No offense to you if you read this. But you’re right out of an advertisement. No heart. No passion. Straight script.

He rushed through all the asanas today.

Calm down. Breathe. Every annoyance deepens your meditation.

It took me 40 minutes in to realize it is my practice. If I don’t like how he’s instructing the class, I don’t have to follow. I can hold my poses as long as I want. So I did.

The black girl next to me rushing through all of her poses… I allowed that to distract me. I almost wrote she distracted me. No, I allowed it. There are no victims.

I’m thinking about not going back to Bryan’s classes. I can fill the gap somewhere else in the week. Or maybe I’ll go and keep taking it as a test to stay focused. Yikes.

Why does it annoy me that the most flexible people in the class are the ones with the worst technique? They don’t flow through the poses with their breath. They just bend straight down. Is that even yoga? Are you coming just to show off, just because flexibility is natural to you? To get a workout? There are better things if you want a body composition-style workout. You can get the results you’re looking for more quickly. You’re really only cheating yourself.

Why am I the only one dripping with sweat after every class? Other people’s technique is awful, that’s why. The only thing I’m doing differently is centering everything around the breath. To not get the breath right is to botch everything, in my humble opinion. When I am an instructor that will be my first and only task. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

I’m surprised Bryan is even teaching classes. I wish Derek would come back. When’s he back, November? Polina knows her shit; surprising she allows Bryan to instruct.

Day 13:

Friday, October 12:

Sigh. I’m finding flaws everywhere I look.

So why look? I dunno.

Janus’ class is whatever. My first impression was spot-on. It just doesn’t feel right.

I feel too much ego in that class. I feel too much effort just to complete harder, more advanced poses, stripped from the fundamentals of yoga. I hate to get on my yoga soapbox, but the fundamentals are the advanced aspects of the practice! The breath! The humility! Goddammit! I hate rushing through poses! I hate pushing yourself for poses you’re not ready for! I hate any elicited feelings of inadequacy!

Grrrr.

That said, I’ll accept it. Take what you want, Adam, and leave what you don’t. Don’t judge it. Accept it and let it go.

Good. Ventilation cleared. Excited for Polina’s class tomorrow!

Day 14:

Michelle subbed for Polina. A disappointment! First time I’ve taken a class from Michelle, who I found nondescript. She was very nervous taking over for Polina, too. She did her thang and while she lacked personality, she got the job done. I respect that.

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