Zen Buddhism is a way and a view of life which does not belong to any of the formal categories of modern Western thought. It is not religion or philosophy; it is not a psychology or a type of science. It is an example of what is known in India and China as a “way of liberation,” and is similar in this respect to Taoism, Vedanta and Yoga. As will soon be obvious, a way of liberation can have no positive definition. It has to be suggested by saying what it is not, somewhat as a sculptor reveals an image by the act of removing pieces of stone from a block.Much of the difficulty and mystification which Zen presents to the Western student is the result of his unfamiliarity with Chinese ways of thinking–ways which differ startlingly from our own and which are, for that very reason, of special value to us in attaining a critical perspective upon our own ideas. The problem here is not simply one of mastering different ideas, differing from our own as, say, theories of Kant differ from those of Descartes. The problem is to appreciate differences in the basic premises of thought and in the very methods of thinking, and these are so often overlooked that our interpretations of Chinese philosophy are apt to be a projection of characteristically Western ideas into Chinese terminology. This is the inevitable disadvantage of studying Asian philosophy by the purely literary methods of  Western scholarship, for words can be communicative only between those who share similar experiences.

The reason why Taoism and Zen present, at first sight, such a puzzle to the Western mind is that we have taken a restricted view of human knowledge. For us, almost all knowledge is what a Taoist would call conventional knowledge, because we do not feel that we really know anything unless we can represent it to ourselves in words, or in some other system of conventional signs such as the notations of mathematics or music. Such knowledge is called conventional because it is a matter of social agreement as to the codes of communication.

Thus the task of education is to make children fit to live in a society by persuading them to learn and accept its codes–the rules and conventions of communication whereby the society holds it self together. There is first the spoken language.

We have no difficulty in understanding that the word “tree” is a matter of convention. What is much less obvious is that convention also governs the delineation of the thing to which the word is assigned. For the child has to be taught not only what words are to stand for what things but also the way in which his culture has tacitly agreed to divide things from each other, to mark out the boundaries within our daily experience.

How arbitrary such conventions may be can be seen from the question, “What happens to my fist [noun-object] when I open my hand?”

In English the differences between things and actions are clearly — if not always logically — distinguished, but a great number of Chinese words do duty for both nouns and verbs–so that one who thinks in Chinese has little difficulty in seeing that objects are also events, that our world is a collection of processes rather than entities.

[ . . .]

But the conventions which govern human identity are more subtle and much less obvious than these. We learn, very thoroughly though far less explicitly, to identify ourselves with an equally conventional view of “myself.” For the conventional “self” or “person” is composed mainly of a history consisting of selected memories, and beginning from the moment of parturition.

According to convention, I am not simply what I am doing now. I am also what I have done, and my conventionally edited version of my past is made to seem almost more the real “me” than what I am at this moment. For what I am seems so fleeting and intangible, but what I was is fixed and final. It is the firm basis for predictions of what I will be in the future, and so it comes about that I am more closely identified with what no longer exists than with what actually is!

[ . . .]

Thus communication by conventional signs of this type gives us an abstract, one-at-a-time translation of a universe in which things are happening altogether-at-once — a universe whose concrete reality always escapes perfect description in these abstract terms.

[ . . .]

But Taoism must on no account be understood as a revolution against convention, although it has sometimes been used as a pretext for revolution. Taoism is a way of liberation, which never comes by means of revolution, since it is notorious that most revolutions establish worse tyrannies than they destroy. To be free from convention is not to spurn it but not to be deceived by it. It is to be able to use it as an instrument instead of being used by it.

[ . . .]

‘The man of character (te) lives at home without exercising his mind and performs actions without worry. The notions of right and wrong and the praise and blame of others do not disturb him. When within the four seas all people can enjoy themselves, that is happiness for him. . . . Sorrowful in countenance, he looks like a baby who has lost his mother; appearing stupid, he goes about like one who has lost his way. He has plenty of money to spend, but does not know where it comes from. He drinks and eats just enough and does not know where the food comes from.’

The idea is not to reduce the human mind to a moronic vacuity but to bring into play its innate and spontaneous intelligence by using it without forcing it. It is fundamental to both Taoist and Confucian thought that the natural man is to be trusted, and from their standpoint it appears that the Western mistrust of human nature–whether theological or technological–is a kind of schizophrenia. It would be impossible, in their view, to believe oneself innately evil without discrediting the very belief, since all the notions of a perverted mind would be perverted notions. However religiously “emancipated,” the technological mind shows that it has inherited the same division against itself when it tries to subject the whole human order to the control of conscious reason. It forgets that reason cannot be trusted if the brain cannot be trusted, since the power of reason depends upon organs that were grown by “unconscious intelligence.”

[ . . .]

A profound regard for te underlies the entire higher culture of the Far East, so much so that it has been made the basic principle of very kind of art and craft. While it is true that these arts employ what are, to us, highly difficult technical disciplines, it is always recognized that they are instrumental and secondary, and that superior work has the quality of an accident. This is not merely a masterful mimicry of the accidental, an assumed spontaneity in which the careful planning does not show. It lies at a much deeper and more genuine level, for what the culture of Taoism and Zen proposes is that one might become the kind of person who, without intending it, is a source of marvelous accidents.

Taoism is, then, the original Chinese way of liberation which combined with Indian Mahayana Buddhism to produce Zen. It is a liberation from convention and of the creative power of te. Every attempt to describe and formulate it in words and one-at-a-time thought symbols must, of necessity, distort it. The foregoing chapter has perforce made it seem one of the “vitalist” or “naturalistic” philosophical alternatives. For Western philosophers are constantly bedeviled by the discovery that they cannot think outside certain well-worn ruts–that, however hard they may try, their “new” philosophies turn out to be restatements of ancient positions, monist or pluralist, realist or nominalist, vitalist or mechanist. This is because these are the only alternatives which the conventions of thought can present, and they cannot discuss anything else without presenting it in their own terms.

When the flowers bloom the bees come to them for honey of their own accord.

A lake has several ghāts. At one the Hindus take water in pitchers and call it ‘jal’; at another the Mussalmāns take water in leather bags and call it ‘pāni.’ At a third the Christians call it ‘water.’ Can we imagine that it is not ‘jal,’ but only ‘pāni’ or ‘water’? How ridiculous!

The substance is one under different names, and everyone is seeking the same substance; only climate, temperament, and name create differences. Let each man follow his own path. If he sincerely and ardently wishes to know God, peace be unto him! He will surely realize Him.

Love on the physical level never lasts. He is indeed blessed who can give his love to God with his whole heart. Even a little attachment to the body endures for several births. So do not be attached to this cag eof bone and flesh. Take shelter at the feet of the Mother and think of Her alone. Thus your life here and hereafter will be ennobled. -Nag Mahāshay

The Master knew that mere words could not induce a man to break deep-rooted habits, but that the silent influence of love worked miracles.

You man of poor understanding! You dare to slight in these terms renunciation and piety, which our scriptures describe as the greatest of all virtues! After reading two pages of English you think you have come to know the world! You appear to think you are omniscient. Well have you seen those tiny crabs that are born in the Ganges just when the rains set in? In this big universe you are even less significant than one of those small creatures.

How dare you talk of helping the world? The Lord will look to that. You haven’t the power in you to do it.

Can you explain to me how you can work for others? I know what you mean by helping them. To feed a number of persons, to treat them when they are sick, to construct a road or dig a well–isn’t that all? These are good deeds, no doubt, but how trifling in comparison with the vastness of the universe! How far can a man advance in this line? How many people can you save from famine? Malaria has ruined a whole province; what could you do to stop its onslaught?

God alone looks after the world. Let a man first realize Him. Let a man get the authority from God and be endowed with His power; then, and then alone, may he think of doing good to others. A man should first be purged of all egotism. Then alone will the Blissful Mother ask him to work for the world.

Yes, I have seen God. I have seen Him more intimately than I am talking to you. But, my child, who wants to see God? People shed jugs of tears for money, wife and children. But if they would weep for God for only one day they would see Him.

A stick floating in the Ganges seems to divide the water; but in reality the water is one.

The snake had become righteous; it could not be angry with anyone. It had totally forgotten that the cowherd boys had almost killed i.

The brahmachāri said: ‘It can’t be mere want of food that has reduced you to this state. There must be some other reason. Think a little.’ Then the snake remembered that the boys had dashed it against the ground. It said: ‘Yes, revered sir, now I remember. The boys one day dashed me violently against the ground. They are ignorant, after all. They didn’t realize what a great change had come over my mind. How could they know I wouldn’t bite or harm anyone?’

The brahmachāri exclaimed: ‘What a shame! You are such a fool! You don’t know how to protect yourself. I asked you not to bite, but I didn’t forbid you to hiss. Why didn’t you scare them by hissing?’

So you must hiss at wicked people. You must frighten them lest they should do you harm. But never inject your venom into them. One must not injure others.

Men may be divided into four classes: those bound by the fetters of the world, the seekers after liberation, the liberated, and the ever-free.

Among the ever-free we may count sages like Nārada. They live in the world for the good of others, to teach men spiritual truths.

Those in bondage are sunk in wordliness and forgetful of God. Not even by mistake do they think of God.

The seekers after liberation want to free themselves from attachment to the world. Some of them succeed and some do not.

The liberated souls, such as the sādhus and mahātmās, are not entangled in the world, in ‘woman’ and ‘gold.’ Their minds are free from wordliness. Besides, they always meditate on the Lotus Feet of God.

Suppose a net has been cast into a lake to catch fish. Some fish are so clever that they are never caught. They are like the ever-free. But most of the fish are entangled in the net. Some of them try to free themselves from it; they are like those who seek liberation. But not all the fish that struggle succeed. A very few do jump out of the net, making a big splash in the water. Then the fishermen shout, ‘Look! There goes a big one!’ But most of the fish caught in the net cannot escape, nor do they make any effort to get out. On the contrary, they burrow into the mud, net and all, and lie there quietly, thinking, ‘We need not fear any more; we are quite safe here.’ But the poor things do not know that the fishermen will drag them out with the net. These are like the men bound to the world.

The bound souls are tied to the world by the fetters of lust and greed. They are bound hand and foot. They think that ‘woman’ and ‘gold’ will make them happy and give them security; they do not realize that these will lead them to annihilation.

The bound souls never think of God. If they get any leisure they indulge in idle gossip and foolish talk, or they engage in fruitless work. If you ask one of them the reason, he answers, ‘Oh, I cannot keep still; so I am making a fence.’ When time hangs heavy on their hands they perhaps start playing cards.

There was a deep silence in the room.

A devotee: “Sir, is there no help, then, for such a worldly person?”

Certainly there is. From time to time he should live in the company of holy men, and also go into solitude to meditate on God. Furthermore, he should practice discrimination and pray to God for faith and devotion. When a person has faith he has achieved everything. There is nothing greater than faith.

Men often thing they have understood Brahman fuilly. Once an ant went to a hill of sugar. One grain filled its stomach. Taking another grain in its mouth, it started homeward. On its way it thought, ‘Next time I shall carry home the whole hill.’ That is the way shallow minds think. They don’t know that Brahman is beyond one’s words and thought. However great a man may be, how much can he know of Brahman?

The bee buzzes as long as it is not sitting on a flower. It becomes silent when it begins to sip the honey. But sometimes, intoxicated with the honey, it buzzes again.

An empty pitcher makes a gurgling sound when it is dipped in water. When it fills up it becomes silent. But if the water is poured from it into another empty pitcher, then you will hear the sound again.

Unless the mind becomes steady there cannot be yoga. It is the wind of wordliness that always disturbs the mind, which may be likened to a candle flame. If that flame doesn’t flicker at all, then one is said to have attained yoga.

What can you achieve by mere lecturing and scholarship if you have no discrimination and dispassion? God alone is real, and all else is unreal. God alone is subtance, and all else is nonentity. That is discrimination.

First of all invoke the Deity, and then give lectures to your heart’s content. First of all dive deep. Plunge to the bottom and gather up the gems. Then you may do other things.

But nobody wants to plunge. People are without spiritual discipline and prayer, without renunciation and dispassion. They learn a few words and immediately start to deliver lectures. It is difficult  to teach others. Only if a man gets a command from God, after realizing Him, is he entitled to teach.

The jnānis, who adhere to Non-dualistic Vedānta, say that the acts of creation, preservation and destruction, the universe itself and all its living beings, are the manifestations of Śakti, the Divine Power. (Known as māyā in the Vedānta philosophy.) If you reason it out, you will realize that all these are as illusory as a dream. Brahman alone is the Reality, and all else is unreal. Even this very Śakti is unsubstantial, like a dream.

The Primordial Power is ever at play. She is creating, preserving, and destroying in play, as it were. This Power is called Kāli. Kāli is verily Brahman, and Brahman is verily Kāli. It is one and the same Reality. When we think of It as inactive, that is to say, not engaged in the acts of creation, preservation and destruction, then we call It Brahman. But when It engages in these activities, then we call It Kāli or Śakti. The Reality is one and the same; the difference is in name and form.

May 1, Wednesday:

Personal practice.

It’s back on, baby!

Lately I have been yearning for a more authentic practice. At the studio, if it’s not Janus it’s done. But I’ve been putting up a lot of blocks, and have not been visiting Janus lately. I am not sure if I burned myself out or what — I’ve just opted for self-indulgent me-time.

But yoga cannot be denied, for any day I do not practice, it is all I think about. Nary ten minutes goes by without me thinking about it.

It isn’t a choice. I am pulled. Magnetized. As far as yoga is concerned: I’m ’bout dat life.

My body craves it. My mind fights.

This afternoon I practiced. My mom found a $4 mat at a thrift store. It’s not Manduka, but it’ll do just fine.

Ah, the difference! The authenticity of a personal practice compared to a studio — at least Addicted to Yoga’s studio — hits you right off the bat. Five Surya Namaskara A’s. Five Surya Namaskara B’s. Breath with movement. Gaze to the navel.

It is awesome not feeling any pressure to adjust the pace of my breath based on the tempo of the instructor’s counting. Awesome not to feel like I’m standing out because I’m ahead or behind. And it’s awesome to feel the nuances of my body, my breath, my muscles, and my mind, without any external distractions and noise.

During those three months I was only abiding by personal practice, I remember writing in my logs on an almost daily basis on how difficult the Sun Salutations were, on how loathe I was to practice them.

How things have changed! I am starting to really enjoy them!

I rarely lose my breath in the midst of Surya Namaskara B anymore. My hip has opened up a bit, and I get a nice, long, powerful stretch throughout both the back leg and the bent front leg as I work toward getting the front thigh parallel with the ground. Back pinky grounded into the mat. Bandhas engaged, balanced throughout the posture, gaze to the fingertips.

Smooth! More and more I feel the rhythm of the practice. It’s not just a series of poses!

The fun really starts once I start sweating bullets. Coming out of Downward Dog as I gaze to the horizon, the drip drip of the sweat hitting the hardwood floor. Rivulets, even.

Waiting naught for instructors’ cues. Transitioning via my own breath from one group of poses to the next.

(Recently I learned that, in Downward Dog, when you inhale look to your hands, you’re “supposed” to look to the hands, jump to the front of your mat, and gaze to the horizon all on the same inhale; at the studio we broke it up into inhale look, exhale jump, and the tempo felt increasingly foreign to me.)

Feeling the increased difficulty of the Standing Series. Extended Triangle Pose? I’m down! Utthita Parsvakonasana? Press that thigh into the shoulder, increasing pectoral rotation! Parivritta Parsvakonasana? More of a challenge!

Parivritta used to kick my ass! It still does, but now I see improved proficiency. Those hips are opening, slowly but surely.

And then my arch enemy / mortal nemesis: Padottanasan Prasarita A-D. I wrote quite a bit about how brutal these felt, particularly on my ankles and feet. Well? They do not feel the least bit easier. A major hurdle. My least favorite poses of the entire series.

The Standing Series does not let up. Right after that you jump into Parsvottanasana. It may be tempting to relax a bit and catch your breath, but it’s a more “technical” pose in the sense that  your attention is “split” between squaring your hips and opening your chest.

BOOM! Balancing. On Uttitha Hasta Padangusthasana A, the right side, I was literally quivering. Extend out to the side. Five full breaths. Let me tell ya, those five breaths feel the longest during the balancing. A lot of parts to remain aware of: bandhas, of course; chest high; shoulder relaxed; leg kind of sort of (?) relaxed. It is a taxing pose. One of my favorites!

Loathed the Utkatasana / Virabhadrasana A & B series, but now I respect the hell out of them. One of the most physically taxing groups in the entire series. Probably the most taxing. Technique on all three is absurdly challenging. Core is particularly stressed. Quadriceps and hamstrings burning. Sweat undoubtedly pouring.

Relief! Primary Series.

I am finding the Primary Series more mentally challenging than physically. Slightly ironic considering I am probably objectively more physically “capable” in the standing series (I am still a ways away from wrapping in lotus or half-lotus, for example).

The pace slows down. Vinyasas introduced between every posture. And I personally do two vinyasas: the first one a variation, where you cross your legs and lift yourself, with your arms by hips. Bandhas engaged as you pull your knees toward your abdomen. This helps you work on jumping back/through.

After that I come forward for a normal vinyasa.

Physically I do not mind the vinyasas, but they certainly seem to drain my mental. By the time I got to Marichyasana A I was ready to call it quits.

I sifted through the “Short Series” to see which poses I should prioritize, opting for Navasana (x3), Baddha Konasana, and then the entirety of Finishing Sequence.

To that end I essentially (and “unconsciously” / without purpose; I originally intended to do every single pose, not skipping anything) picked up where I left off from last personal practice: I was at Janu Sirsasana C.

Now I know how important Finishing Sequence is, so I’ll never skip that. Just getting back to Janu C + all of Finishing Sequence (about 12 poses in Finishing?) is a big step up. But I think I’ll at least be able to add the Marichyasanas, Navasana, and Handstand.

My favorite pose? Sirsasana! LOVE IT!

It’s hard to pick just one as my favorite. Matsyasana, Baddha Padmasana, Padmasana, Downward Dog, and Virabhadrasana B… Dandasana! Paschimottanasana!

Least favorites: Prasarita Padottanasana A-D; Purvottanasana.

One day at a time. I got through today. Thoughts churning. A lot of toxins expelled. A lot of worry. Take tomorrow as it comes.

May 2, Thursday:

None

Normally my off day, but I said to myself I can do at least Sun Salutations on any day, amirite?

Next time.

May 3, Friday:

Mix of procrastination and legit busy-ness.

By the time the evening rolled out, I was like… sigh. I did do Sun Salutations. That alone is enough for a good workout / dripping sweat / feeling a whole lot better.

May 4, Saturday:

Practice at the studio. On Saturdays Polina goes through the entire Primary Series. Well, she skipped the Paschimottanasana A that follows Dhanurasana. Dunno why she always skips that. And she skipped the final three lotus poses. Wut?

Polina is aggravating me more and more. I’m constantly comparing how much better personal practice is v anyone-not-named-Janus’ studio practice.

My unlimited yoga runs out May 8th anyway.

I didn’t feel that good after practice.

‘How, sir, may I fix my mind on God?’

Repeat God’s name and sing His glories, and now and then visit God’s devotees and holy men. The mind cannot dwell on God if it is immersed day and night in wordliness, in wordly duties and responsibilities; it is most necessary to go into solitude now and then and think of God. T o fix the mind on God is very difficult, in the beginning, unless one practices meditation in solitude. When a tree is young it should be fenced all around; otherwise it may be destroyed by cattle.

There are three ways of meditating: think of God while doing your duties, or meditate on Him in a secluded corner of your house, or contemplate Him in a wood. And you should always discriminate between the Real and the unreal: God alone is real, the Eternal Substance; all else is unreal, that is, impermanent. By discriminating thus, one should shake off impermanent objects from the mind.

‘How ought we to live in the world?’

Do all your duties, but keep your mind on God. Live with all–with wife and children, father and mother–and serve them. Treat them as if they were very dear to you, but know in your heart of hearts that they do not belong to you.

The tortoise moves about in the water. But can you guess where her thoughts are? There on the bank, where her eggs are lying. Do all your duties in the world, but keep your mind on God.

If you enter the world without first cultivating love for God, you will be entangled more and more. You will be overwhelmed with its danger, its grief, its sorrows. And the more you think of wordly things, the more you will be attached to them.

But one must go into solitude to attain this divine love. To get butter from milk you must let it set into curd in a secluded spot: if it is too much disturbed, milk won’t turn into curd. Next, you must put aside all other duties, sit in a quiet spot, and churn the curd. Only then do you get butter.

Further, by meditating on God in solitude the mind acquires knowledge, dispassion and devotion. But the very same mind goes downward if it dwells in the world. In the world one only thinks of ‘woman’ and ‘gold.’

The world is water and the mind milk. If you pour milk into water they become one; you cannot find the pure milk any more. But turn the milk into curd and churn it into butter. Then, when that butter is placed in water, it will float. So practice spiritual discipline in solitude and obtain the butter of knowledge and love. Even if you keep that butter in the water of the world the two will not mix. The butter will float.

Together with this you must practice discrimination. ‘Woman’ and ‘gold’ are impermanent. God is the only Eternal Substance. What does a man get with money? Food, clothes, and a dwelling-place–nothing more. You cannot realize God with its help. Therefore money can never be the goal of life.

That is the process of discrimination. Do you understand?

Consider: what is there in money or in a beautiful body? Discriminate and you will find that even the body of the most beautiful woman consists of bones, flesh, fat and other disagreeable things. Why should a man give up God and direct his attention to such things? Why should he forget God for their sake?

‘Is it possible to see God?’

Yes, certainly. Living in solitude now and then, repeating God’s name and singing His glories, and discriminating between the Real and the unreal–these are the means to employ to see Him.

‘Under what conditions does one see God?’

Cry to the Lord with an intensely yearning heart and you will certainly see Him. People shed a whole jug of tears for wife and children. They swim in tears for money. But who weeps for God? Cry to Him with a real cry.

Longing is like the rosy dawn. After the danw out comes the sun. Longing is followed by the vision of God.

God reveals Himself to a devotee who feels drawn to Him by the combined force of these three attractions: the attraction of worldly possessions for the worldly man, the child’s attraction for its mother, and the husband’s attraction for the chaste wife. If one feels drawn to Him by the combined force of these three attractions, then one can attain Him.

It is necessary to pray to Him with a longing heart. The kitten knows only how to call its mother, crying, ‘Mew, mew!’ It remains satisfied wherever its mother puts it. And the mother cat puts the kitten sometimes in the kitchen, sometimes on the floor, and sometimes on the bed. When it suffers it cries only, ‘Mew, mew!’ That’s all it knows. But as soon as the mother hears this cry, wherever she may be, she comes to the kitten.

Don Juan was right in saying that, by inducing a systematic displacement of the assemblage point, dreaming liberates perception, enlarging the scope of what can be perceived. For the sorcerers of his party, dreaming had not only opened the doors of other perceivable worlds but prepared them for entering into those realms in full awareness. Dreaming, for them, had become ineffable, unprecedented, something whose nature and scope could only be alluded to, as when don Juan said that it is the gateway to the light and to the darkness of the universe.

To the young men destined to be monks the Master pointed out the steep path of renunciation, both external and internal. They must take the vow of absolute continence and eschew all thought of greed and lust. By the practice of continence, aspirants develop a subtle power through which they understand the deeper mysteries of God. For them self-control is final, imperative, and absolute. The sannāsis are teachers of men and their lives should be totally free from blemish. They must not even look at a picture which may awaken their carnal passions.

God, according to Vaishnavism, cannot be realized through logic or reason; and without bhakti all penances, austerities, and rites are futile. Man cannot realize God by self-exertion alone; for such realization His grace is necessary, and this grace is felt by the pure in heart. The mind is to be purified through bhakti. The pure mind then remains forever immersed in the ecstasy of God-vision. It is the cultivation of this divine love that is the chief concern of the Vaishnava religion.

There are three kinds of devotion: tāmasic, rājasic, and sāttvic. If a person, in his devotion to God, is actuated by malevolence, arrogance, jealousy, or anger, then his devotion is tāmasic, since it is influenced by tamas, the quality of inertia and darkness. If he worships God from a desire for fame or wealth, or from any other worldly ambition, then his devotion is rājasic, since it is influenced by rajas, the quality of activity.

But if a person loves God without any thought of material gain, if he performs his duties to please God alone and maintains toward all created beings the attitude of friendship, then his devotion is called sāttvic, since it is influenced by sattva, the quality of harmony.

But the highest devotion transcends the three gunas, or qualities, being a spontaneous, uninterrupted inclination of the mind toward God, the Inner Soul of all beings. It wells up in the heart of a true devotee as soon as he hears the name of God or mention of God’s attributes. A devotee possessed of this love would not accept even the joy of heaven if it were offered to him. His one desire is to love God under all conditions–in pleasure and pain, life and death, honour and dishonour, propserity and adversity.

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